ARISE!!! The Church of the Subgenius

subgeniusHow to begin here….

You think you’re a weirdo? A nerd? A true geek? Maybe, just maybe, you’re really just one of US. A Subgenius.

But how to explain this? Good question. I’ve been asked many times about the significance of the Dobbshead hanging just outside the bathroom door in my abode. I usually try to initiate some sort of psychic connection with the offender curious party. I mean, what words could possibly describe this incredible, unlikely, abstract not-cult? It’s so much easier to just understand than it is to explain. To quote the official:

Subgenius has to doPity the poor human Earth Pink who comes looking for a SIMPLE, SHORT EXPLANATION of The Church of the SubGenius™, one that he or she can UNDERSTAND QUICKLY. If the Church could provide THAT, it would be bigger than Islam or Christianity by now — and probably much, much worse.

A True SubGenius, however, understands EVERYTHING, INSTANTLY upon exposure to the Word or even just the Face of Dobbs.

It’s true! That’s why I’ve included the “recruitment” video here. Though I HIGHLY recommend you go out and buy your own. I mean, here’s a “Church” that actually gives you something for your money!


Dobbs CrowleyThe Church of the Subgenius has been around since 1953, when the “savior” of sorts, J.R. “Bob” Dobbs was approached by the alien rebel-god, JEHOVA-1. J1 gave Dobbs supernatural powers, the extents of which are relatively unknown, but are said to include time-travelling and the ability to see the past and future. Dobbs was initially to use these to lead a conspiracy to brainwash the people of Earth into working for a living. Dobbs refused this order and instead founded the “Church” after studying many different religions during which time, in a trip to Tibet, he learned of the existence of Yetis and their genetic connection to a sort of “sub-race” of Humanity. Being one of these “Subgenius”, he devised a way to spread “The Word” via a young man named Philo Drummond, who himself appointed the task of Scribe to the Rev. Ivan Stang, sometime in the late 1970s.

The word is, if there is actually a “word” at all, “Give Me Slack or Feed Me”. That in itself isn’t really the word, but I like to be fed.

What is Slack? That’s the biggest question about the SubG. We all want Slack even before we know what it is.

Slack is finding a crisp $20 bill in a jacket you haven’t worn in a long time.
Slack is finding out the girl you have a crush on likes you too.
Slack is that first bite of your favorite dessert.
Slack is finally beating the level boss in a game you’ve been playing for days.
Slack is an adorable puppy taking a nap on your lap.
Slack is not screwing up that perfect little trick that you wanted to do and both Mom & Dad seeing it.
Slack is finding out the other girl you liked in H.S. that called you a dork is now fat and ugly while you’re fit and well-dressed, and she sees you and tries to act all nice to you, but now you hold the upper hand.
Slack is what we all deserve.


Slack is attempting to write a post about the Church of the Subgenius and getting tired of trying to describe it and put it all into words when the reality hits you that the reason you wrote all this to begin with is that you found a copy of the “Arise!!” video on youtube and felt like sharing it with your audience in a world where it seems like the CoS just isn’t as prevalent as you want it to be even though it desperately needs to be.Join the SubG

Watch and learn, then send your money to:

The SubGenius™ Foundation P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118

Or just go buy some stuff!!



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